Good manners have always been a hallmark of civilized society,
separating the refined from the barbaric. These manners, also known as
conventions, vary across cultures, but at their core, they represent
consideration for others. Unfortunately, human nature often prioritizes
self-interest, making good manners a matter of training rather than innate
behavior. Children are taught to follow the outward forms of good manners in the
hope that it will eventually become a natural inclination.
Winchester College's founder, William of Wykeham, famously declared "Manners
make the man." At the time, manners were synonymous with character, indicating a
close connection between the two.
Being a gentleman, according to Robert Surtees, means never talking about it. It
also entails behaving in a civilized way even when alone. Michael Arlen captured
the essence of a gentleman when he said, "A gentleman is one who is never rude
unintentionally."
However, good manners appear to be disappearing in modern, particularly Western,
society. This trend is lamented by reflective members of both sexes, and there
are several reasons for it.
Firstly, manners are intertwined with social attitudes between the sexes in
different cultures. In Chinese and Muslim societies, for instance, customs and
traditions between men and women are based partly on religion. With the rapid
Westernization of these cultures, it becomes challenging to define good manners.
In the West, female emancipation has produced fundamental changes, with women
now equal to men in all but physical attributes. Consequently, men expect women
to behave as they do, leading to a breakdown in courtesy and civility.
Secondly, the fast-paced nature of modern life is also a hindrance to good
manners. It is challenging, although not impossible, to be civil to others in a
hurried environment.
Thirdly, good manners are based on respect for other individuals and their
needs, making it a moral rather than a social concept. In the past half-century,
the West has moved away from Christianity, resulting in personal selfishness.
Few parents instill good manners as a crucial duty in their children today.
On the other hand, there is hope that the average person in the West is reacting
against materialism and selfishness. As class structures and inter-sex
relationships continue to change, new codes of behavior will emerge. While the
old-fashioned outward observances of good manners may become outdated, the
practice of good manners will always remain a way to control oneself and foster
the comfort, happiness, and well-being of others. |