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Living with Chilblains |
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The news reports that there has been heavy snowfall in the northeast of the
country. On the television, children are seen playing with snow, making snowmen
and sledging. The vast white landscape is made lively by their laughter. But
outside the television, I am left with no choice but to huddle up and feel as
lonely as the snow, because I have a pair of hands covered in chilblains.
I have suffered from chilblains since I was a child. Every winter, my mother
would diligently apply ointments and creams to my hands, and a hot water bottle
would become my constant companion. But my chilblains continued to grow like
spring onions, every year. Look closely at my hands, and you will see that they
are slender and delicate, yet scarred and rough, just like the thin branches of
a winter willow. They may look okay, but the texture is far from perfect.
Chilblains not only affect one's appearance but also have other consequences.
The cracks in my hands would leak yellow fluid, which would often soak through
my notebook while I was writing, causing embarrassment to me and inconvenience
to my teachers. At night, I never knew whether to keep my hands clenched or
open. If I clenched them, the next morning, they would be stiff and difficult to
move. If I opened them, my hands would become numb, making it hard to hold a pen
and write. And worst of all, squeezing out water from a towel was a painful
task, and many times, the wound would reopen and start to bleed again.
Last winter, Suzhou had heavy snowfall. Having lived in the south, where the
warm breeze was a norm, I was thrilled to see the world covered in white. People
were having fun, throwing snowballs, laughing, and shouting in the face of the
cold north wind. I too wanted to join in, but it didn't take long before my
hands were bleeding, dropping red spots on the snowman. My friends asked me to
stop, and I watched from the sidelines. That winter, I was cut off from the joy
of playing in the snow. It made me realize that there are many beautiful things
in life that I cannot touch. Touching them may mean losing happiness.
Winter is here again, and I stretch out my hands. So far, I am lucky not to have
any chilblains. I hope I won't get them this year, but will Suzhou get snow
again? |
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